Making Way
Welcome to "Making Way", a podcast about finding your own path in life.
Join us as we explore the journeys of inspiring individuals who have forged their own paths in life. We chat with entrepreneurs to artists to teachers, our guests share their stories of overcoming challenges, taking risks, and discovering their passions. Through candid conversations and practical advice, "Making Way" offers insights and inspiration for anyone looking to break free from convention and make their own mark in the world.
I want you to embrace your individuality and create a life that truly reflects who you are!
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Making Way
REPLAY - Self-Confidence, Growth, and Navigating Life's Transitions
Ever wondered about the power of self-confidence and the importance of growth? In this replay episode, we peel back the layers of these crucial elements with our insightful guest. We discuss trusting your instincts and dealing with the pressure of pleasing everyone. Our conversation then takes a turn towards the intimidating yet rewarding world of career transitions. We emphasize that happiness should be your compass and we explore the potency of penning down your thoughts during this process.
Our dynamic discourse navigates through the journey of building a personal training studio. This dream didn't materialize magically, but instead it took immense grit, determination and a steadfast belief in oneself. Our guest, an embodiment of resilience, offers invaluable insights into nurturing relationships, creating environments that promote mental and physical wellness, and gracefully managing challenging conversations.
As we delve deeper, we highlight the necessity of being prepared for emergencies, even as far as having bail and lawyer money at hand. We underline the importance of resourcefulness and how it fuels resilience. We wrap up our enlightening conversation by shedding light on life's joys, encouraging optimism, and advocating risk-taking. We also discuss the irreplaceable value of embracing new experiences. All in all, this episode is packed with thought-provoking insights and actionable advice aimed at facilitating personal and professional growth. Don't miss out!
I hope you enjoy one of my favorite episodes with one of my favorite people Tanya Medley!
Thank you for listening!
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Thank you so much for wanting to be a guest on my podcast. This is so exciting.
Speaker 2:Thank you for starting a podcast.
Speaker 1:Well, I wanted to just preface before we start. You know, really kind of like I said in the email, it's really just kind of been like let's just see where the conversation goes. It's kind of like if just you and I were we're chatting and really you have all the rights over the episode. So if you're like you know what, I don't like it or I'm not comfortable with putting it out there, you can say it and I won't feel bad at all, like we lost nothing in this time, just had a good conversation and I'm fine if we don't host it, or whatever you know, so I will, after we record and I edit it and it's like the final thing, I'll send it to you and then you can say yes or no.
Speaker 2:I probably won't listen to it. I'll make a Marcus or somebody else listen to it, because I won't. You know, I'm still working on my self critiques, really.
Speaker 1:I wouldn't. I wouldn't take you as like I don't not that like you're not self critiquing, but I don't know. I just feel like you're so comfortable with yourself.
Speaker 2:I put things out there but I don't check back, like I'd hear. Just take the thing Just once I put it out into the world, I'm like all right, it's out there, you like it, you like it, you don't, you don't.
Speaker 1:Interesting, Okay, Well, like in what way? Like like Instagram or?
Speaker 2:So I don't normally ask for feedback on things. Why is that? Because I spent a lot of time ruminating in my own head about things and I'm like obsessing about things. And when I finally get to the point where I'm like, okay, I'm going to do this thing, I'm like, if I send it out for feedback and one you take too long, or two, your feedback is kind of like rosy and you're not really like checking for it. I'm like you know what, just go with your gut, send it out. I will learn from when I get like feedback back for people who I'm actually working with.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, okay, I feel like we're like just diving right into this. Okay, I mean, because this call now, I'm just like well, now I'm asking more questions about that, we'll go right ahead. I'm going to do a quick loop thing. So I understand that like well. First of all, I guess I will say one thing is surprising about you saying that that you're already ruminating so much in your head because I think you so much put off this like energy, or this like, yeah, this energy, that you're just kind of like I'm good with myself and you don't have those types of conversations, like I don't imagine you having that type of self talk.
Speaker 2:I know a lot.
Speaker 1:Oh, you do.
Speaker 2:I do a lot of. Well, why are you upset? Well, why do you feel that way? Okay, but is it your fault? Okay, is it not your fault? Okay, let it go. I have like a whole shower sessions, right, just like talking to myself, because otherwise I won't be able to push past what I'm working on.
Speaker 1:What about? What about stuff you like, not like? Um, what are you upset about? But what about like was that good, was I good enough? Well, like, how did that, like what? What does that self talk look like for you?
Speaker 2:Um, in terms of what like in my every day.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like a feedback about maybe, um, I don't know, like, let's say, one of your classes, like you hosted a class like how was that? You know?
Speaker 2:um, well, luckily people will text me right off the class and say that was a good class, I like this, I like that. This was hard. So you don't have to seek it out, because people are working with our very vocal, so they'll tell me upfront. But, in terms of like, I trust that they're honest cause they keep coming back. So if you didn't like my class, you wouldn't come back. So I think that is a form of feedback. People keep coming back, yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, definitely yeah yeah.
Speaker 2:I used to lose clients back in the day and be like, what did I do? And I'm like all right, girl, okay, that's fine, so what's?
Speaker 1:changed back then? Have you lost less clients now, or do you care less about losing clients, or are you keep like, or are you actually keeping more clients now?
Speaker 2:Well before, where I used to work, if you lost the client it was like lost revenue, a lost session counts, a lost sale, right when? Now, since I worked for myself, I see it more as me and that person just didn't work together. It's not their fault, it's not my fault. We just didn't mesh Like. Not everyone can going to like me, Okay.
Speaker 1:So let's I cause okay, because obviously you know people who are less than I. Think I'm not going to know this, but you and I we met in college and in college I feel like you are very similar to you've always had like a very grounded like. You had your goals. You were very focused on like what you were doing and stayed very focused on that. But I do feel like it's evolved over time where I think you have even a more better understanding of yourself and even more. It's not like the word comes to mind as rigid, but rigid it actually isn't the work Cause I feel like that's more negative, but I do feel like you're you're focused and you're self confident in yourself, like what you just said. Right now you're like, well, if someone doesn't come back, then you know that's not about me and it's not about them, it's just us and it didn't work out, you know, yeah, yeah, after that long explanation, I completely forgot what I was going to add yeah.
Speaker 2:I do think I um regulate myself to like keep these, I don't want to go too far left, too far right. I kind of want to stay in the middle. And if I do go far left, far right, I do have people in my life who'll be like T, pull it back, you're doing too much. But lately I've been finding just the the, the right middle, just like. This is where I feel comfortable. I'm going to stay right in this lane.
Speaker 1:When did you develop that, or maybe begin consciously developing that, consciously developing that?
Speaker 2:Okay, so quick story in my life. I went to college, I met you. I graduated college, I studied television, radio. Those are the highlights of your life. I would. I was born, born April 27th.
Speaker 1:I was born April 27th. I was born April 27th. I was born April 27th. I was born.
Speaker 2:April 27th. I was born April 27th. I was born. Born April 27th. Fast forward.
Speaker 2:I met Melissa it was great and then I went into Brooklyn college. I studied television radio and then from there I got a job rather quickly at a TV show. It was a good job in terms of working a normal work schedule, but I didn't want like the content that we were doing, so I left that job and then I went to another job. Didn't like that at all. Luckily, they let me go. So I was like, okay. I was like okay, I'm going to work, I'm going to work, I'm going to work. And then through there, through that whole To multi-waste 2014, 2015 period, I did a lot of reading and researching and figuring out is there a better way to live life, mm-hmm Of like going to work, going home To the plan about work, to go back to work, like what can I do to feel like really comfortable in my every day setting? So not so much of the work I'm putting out. Just how do I feel day to day? Yeah, so like I'm going to work in a hotel.
Speaker 2:If I'm in a hotel with a team or like creating an app, I want to feel good in my every day life. Yeah.
Speaker 1:And then my friend.
Speaker 2:Just careful when you hit your mic, because it's like I get excited. I'm sorry you can hit over here, just like not right here. I had a friend who worked at a commercial gym doing what I love. I could work 12 hours a day doing what I love. I can take two weeks off. I can make money helping people. Like that's when my world kind of opened up, like I don't have to do this, like same schedule that I thought I should be doing.
Speaker 1:So, okay, I don't want to. I want to go back to your two thousand two fifty, two thousand fourteen, two thousand fifteen period, because that was a pivotal time in your life and I vividly remember you in that period of your life. But what was it about? Because, like, you studied TV and radio in college, you had a TV job. You went to another TV job, like, and you said that, like you know what kind of do to like enjoy your day-to-day more right, like how, what was it about the TV job you were working that you weren't enjoying all? Like what was missing for you, or like what was that? Like what was happening for you at that time?
Speaker 2:I didn't like the content we're putting out and I like the stories we were doing and it felt like I wanted to be Peter Jennings, growing up like he was the news anchor from ABC. That's what I wanted to do. I wanted to tell people the truth of what was happening. And we weren't doing that. I was like, oh no, this is not what Peter Jennings was doing. Peter Jennings do Peter would not be doing this. But I did learn a lot from that job and that job did afford me an opportunity to buy my own place and have a schedule where I can leave work every day at 5 pm. That's one thing about TV jobs is a lot of jobs where you can leave at 5 pm. That job afforded me a nine to five schedule, so for that I'm grateful and through that night I have schedule. I started teaching classes after work and I hired a person on training before work, so I started slowly like finding fitness but it wasn't until I made the leap that I really it's also much changed.
Speaker 1:Wow. So, and you also said that like you were laid off from that particular job. So can you just like describe that moment of your life, like where was Tanya in that time or period of time in your life?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I went from a TV job where I was working in the promotions department to working another TV job. That was more marketing and writing proposals so boring. I was like, what, even I don't like to do, let's, let's the sidebar. I don't like to do a lot of work, Parker, I like to work as efficiently as possible. Yeah, and that job was endless meetings and nothing getting done. Like all this over communication talking about nothing. Nothing was happening.
Speaker 2:So when they let me go, I knew it wasn't gonna happen, because all the doors started closing, people were whispering. I was like, oh no, it's about to go down. So I got laid off and I got a package and then I went home and I cried and I cried and I cried and then my cat dies and I cried and I cried and I cried and then the guy I should have been messing with you know there's always a guy you shouldn't be messing with he left. So then I cried and I cried and I cried. And then, you know, once I was all cried out, I was like all right, I'm ready to like do something with my life, but you need that period of tears, you just need to get it to fall.
Speaker 1:Why? What was it about the period of tears that you needed or like? What did it change for you?
Speaker 2:Well, otherwise you're just pushing all your feelings down. So I need to like get them out, you know.
Speaker 1:What was your mindset at that time? Because, like I would imagine, if to hear all of that like I lost my job, I lost my cat, I lost my boyfriend you're just like my world is literally imploding or crumbling down. Like what are you doing?
Speaker 2:Well, that's when I went down to like self-help rabbit hole when I'm like Googling all these things to figure out what's the secret to life and what are they doing, and the secret doesn't really work. Let me find something else. And let me do it Cause I made like I made vision board. Vision boards don't work for me. They don't work Cause I become so fixated on that vision I don't give myself space to like let anything else come in. So vision boards don't work for me. What works for me is piece by piece. All right, I'm gonna just take this job Okay, I'm a semi-resume out to this place, like building blocks, piece by piece, and then from there things start, plants start to form, yeah, but I have to do that like work and figure out like what do I want? What makes me happy? How am I gonna pay this mortgage? Like doing all that, doing all that work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what did I mean? Like, how did? How do you? What does the work actually look like? Cause I think in my mind, like I envision, that sometimes it's like oh, I just need to have a moment where I'm sitting by myself quietly for like four hours and thinking about what it is that I want in my life, but maybe that's not how it has to be. Like, what did it look like for you to figure that out?
Speaker 2:The work to figure that out for me was lots of reading and lots of list making, so not necessarily journaling, but just like making lists Pro. I love a pro and con list Pro and kind yes and no.
Speaker 1:I always tell me to make pro and con lists. Yeah.
Speaker 2:List, list, lists, writing things down, writing things down. Oh, you know, I love to make a list, I like to see things. I like to see things.
Speaker 1:More the list that you were making like.
Speaker 2:give us like one list you made so one list I made was get a TV job or leave TV. Oh, so I was just like get a TV job. Then I was like, all right, well, where could I work? Okay, who has who do I know that works at places? Okay, my friend works at ABC, I can call her. This guy works at CBS, I can call him. Then I was like do I want to work in TV? Oh, new list. Do I want to work in TV? New list, do I want to work in TV? Yes or no? I started finding like more notes, like just becoming like this industry that I used to love so much. I was just kind of over it and I felt I felt bad about being over because I went to school for this and I told that's the thing when you tell so many people I'm gonna do this thing and then you don't do it, you feel like, oh, yeah, I told all these people they keep asking me yeah, and you just like I never wanted to really do that anyway.
Speaker 2:It wasn't really, wasn't really interested in that.
Speaker 1:anyway, man, wow, that is a huge, that's a huge pivot. Like, yeah, because you study that all in school, you had the jobs and then you're like, oh, I don't want to. I actually don't want to do TV. But what's the difference between like you kind of I'm sure to an extent you had some of these lists in your head and maybe felt it even to a certain degree but what's the difference about actually writing it down and seeing?
Speaker 2:it. I started realizing when I wrote things down I liked the way a title felt Like. I liked the way it felt to be an associate producer, because people go ooh like it feels nice. I think I was connected to that feeling of like having a title.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Realizing like, looking back on it now, they didn't pay me enough money. Like, yes, I got this place, but they didn't pay me enough money. Right, and the title doesn't mean anything in the grand scheme of things. Right, like it holds, like it doesn't matter. Yeah so once I kind of like writing. That writing helped me come to that feeling, cause I kept thinking like what title do I want next? What title do I want next? I'm like the title doesn't really matter, it doesn't matter.
Speaker 1:And the more I'm like in, the more I'm like working, you know, with people and in corporate and like in these settings. You're just like. These titles are just. You don't mean nothing, cause sometimes I see people with certain titles and I'm like how the hell did you get that?
Speaker 2:title Exactly, exactly Like you. Like you know what you're good at, you know your skill sets, and then when you see people who are being one, paid more than you, getting more opportunities than you, you're just like this is a game I don't want to play. Like the rules of this game don't apply to me. Like I cannot, I'm not going to win, so I'm not even going to play, right. I'm just going to leave this game.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and I'm just like I don't want to play this game, yeah.
Speaker 2:And then you're just like is she making more than me? Am I making more than her? Should I be making more than her? I graduated first, but she, you know she's connected, like what does it matter? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:And I think even for for you. You always just said, like I think you try to always steer me in that direction. We had this conversation, like a year ago, I think, and you're just like you might be making this much right now, but you never know what you're going to be making tomorrow, next year, and it could be exponentially more. Or like she might be making extra, mention more, he might be making extra, or whatever the case is, Like it's just this is just the right now period, so okay. So back to the whole dark time. I'm going to call them your dark, or or you could be making exponentially less.
Speaker 2:I make less money now than I've ever made in my entire career, but I'm happy. I'm so happy. How do you deal with that though? You figure out, you know, you figure out the bills you need to get paid, like, I need to make this much money to pay these bills, and we just take that much out of the business and we leave the rest. So it's very little.
Speaker 1:So that's, I'm sure, like, like I don't know, have you like had thoughts about that? Because you're like man, I'm making way less than I ever made in my life Like this. Is that hitting those certain way? No, because I think with age and with like experience.
Speaker 2:Like I've done lots of things. I went a month traveling the world. I've seen all the plays, I've gone to all the shows, I've gone to all the bars, I've done all the things. So I'm like I'm chilling, like I'm fine, like I don't, I don't feel like I'm missing out on experiences by staying home, like I feel like I've experienced a lot of things and I now I'm in the like nesting building stage of my life, and it feels comfortable.
Speaker 2:It feels good to be in the house and it feels comfortable, it feels good, hmm.
Speaker 1:Um well, I really want to go back to that dark period Because, the only reason why I really want to go back to that period and time is because that's a period in time. I think people, people don't like we need more insight from that time. And you know, even just kind of. You know, I think everyone goes through it multiple times once, maybe one big one, few bad ones or whatever it is. But I do think something happens during that period of time that you know is helpful.
Speaker 1:But you know, when you're like what was your mindset in that time? Because I remember like I hope I don't insult you, but like you're just like very cynical during that period of time, but then like literally it was like when you weren't, it was literally night and day, like Tanya during that time and Tanya after that, like there was definitely like a, a BC and an AD, tanya, you know, like you were just so different, but like what were you ruminating in that period of time? And like I don't know, like what were you looking forward to next or how are you planning on? Yeah, how do you swim in that time? I feel like it's almost I don't know. It's just like I don't. I don't even know what I'm trying to ask, but I guess like what was going on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think it helped that I had my own space so I could be as messy, as unkept as I wanted to be, like just like out, just like laying out on the couch every day staring at the TV, just in my feelings, eating ice cream, like all the cliches, doing all those things. And then eventually you kind of get sick of yourself. You're like all right, like I got to take a shower, like I need to like get my hair done, like I need to pull myself together. So I remember I started working out outside a lot in the park and that's what I'm making me feel better, because I was like I'd have a gym membership and I was also teaching pull at that time, so I would teach pole and then I will go to the park and work out.
Speaker 2:And then when you start working out, you feel really good about yourself. So I just started feeling better, like feeling better in my day to day and like, all right, I'm going to wake up early and then make me a smoothie and then we'll take a walk and we'll apply a job and then we'll go to a coffee shop and I'm going to be my friend. So I had like like I had like schedules for the days, for every day, and then you start to figure out like I really like this fitness thing, I'm really good at it, and people start telling you hey, you should be a trainer, you should do this, you should do that.
Speaker 1:I was like maybe I should be a trainer.
Speaker 2:Maybe I should be a trainer.
Speaker 2:So, they made my list, made my list. Okay, let me do this. Okay, how can I do this? How much do they make? Okay, so after I made my list, I said all right. I told myself you know, hey, you want to get a label for yourself. Okay, I was thinking about doing this myself. Three years and fitness Cause. I was at my last job for seven years, so I was like I could do three years, three years in fitness, if I don't like it. I need to figure out what's next If I do like it move up the ranks in fitness.
Speaker 2:Mmm, that was kind of the way I figured it out. So the plan is to be sad, be as sad as you want to be Be sad, but also as someone to check on you my cousin was my checker have someone check it on you to make sure you're okay, but feel all your feelings. Give yourself like a month, give yourself like a month, feel all your feelings and then start to go outside Not right now because it's the pandemic, but before it wasn't a pandemic. You go outside, go outside work out, go to coffee shops, go to libraries. I spend so many times, so much time in bookstores. Just go get inspiration and then slowly let people know what you're looking for. Like I'm really liking this fitness thing. I'm not really sure. Keep me in mind for things. Slowly start putting yourself out there and then a plan starts to fall into place. Once you get out of your way, things start to fall into place.
Speaker 1:What do you mean? Get out of your way?
Speaker 2:I could have gone back and forth with my friend Well, no, well, how much will I make? Instead, I just sat on my desk, made my list, made peace with my list and then said yes, yeah, you can give yourself some time to be in that stage of what if, what if, what if. But eventually you need to make a decision. So I think that's why now I'm very like make a decision, I'm just like yes or no. Like, when people ask me yes or no right away, I used to be like let me get back to you. No, no, no. Now it's yes or no right away, because I know like I have a good idea of what I want to do, what I don't want to do. Like I said yes right away. You didn't finish your text message. I was like yes, yes, I'm doing it.
Speaker 1:Which I was very appreciative of. So so when you're making the yes or no thing, and obviously then at that point in time you kind of made its decision to pursue fitness Kind of more on a you know, with dealing with finances and stuff, because at this point now you do have you have some responsibilities and things now attached to your name, you know which is a mortgage and bills and things to pay. Did you have a student loan at that time too?
Speaker 2:No, student loan Thanks parents.
Speaker 1:So how did you calculate taking a risk like fitness, which is a freelance job? Right, this is before you worked at crunch, but like I mean, even crunch is kind of freelance because you have to get your clients and stuff right. So how did you, how did you, I guess, like incorporate that part like finance and part of your decision making?
Speaker 2:Well, I was teaching pole dancing at three studios and I was making it work. I was exhausted but I was making enough money to pay my mortgage. So I knew, all right, if I keep these three studios going and work at the gym, I'll be able to make ends meet and pay all my bills. But what happened was when your money starts coming piecemeal, it like comes in and it goes out so fast you don't really see it's hard to accumulate any kind of savings because money is coming and going so fast. So I had to let go of the teaching to focus full time of being a personal trainer so I can really see myself grow in that industry. Because it's one thing to like be exhausted and go to work. It's another thing to like be refreshed and go to work and I want to be as fresh as possible.
Speaker 2:So I let those, I let the studios go. I stayed on as a sub, so if they needed me I would just go into subclasses. But I primarily was a trainer and I'm good with people. I have no problem talking to people, I'm very comfortable with people. So getting clients wasn't so hard. But now it was having to play the corporate commercial gym game, which is like you have enough clients to fill your roster, make sure you're bringing enough revenue. Make playing the game. Playing the game, all that game, all that game, all that, all that, which is why I left so. So you play the game and then, when you learn the rules, you decide you want to stay in this game or you want to go make your own thing.
Speaker 1:Was there something else you were considering besides fitness?
Speaker 2:No, girl, it was like this has to work. I did not have anything else, because to be a writer, like I wanted to be after Peter Jennings, I wanted to be Shonda Rhimes Like those are my two people. And to be Shonda Rhimes is a lot of work. It's a lot of networking, it's a lot of writing, it's a lot of connected with people, it's a lot of revision. It's just a lot. And I was like, honestly, I don't have the bandwidth or the desire to do this anymore, like I really really did not. I was looking for a different case of life and I was not looking to like hustle and like get my name out there. I didn't want to do that.
Speaker 1:Right right.
Speaker 2:I think what's so I was like this fitness thing has to work.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and luckily it has worked, and it's working Now. I know, soon after you met Marcus, what about meeting Marcus changed your life.
Speaker 2:So I met Marcus at the gym and I told myself I was like, when I start this job, I'm gonna focus on me. I'm not here to make no friends, like he didn't get no man, I'm here to make this money, that's it. And then he, like I started in March and then he started in September. And I was like, well, there goes that plan, because he is so handsome and and he likes fitness and he's a very like, if you think I'm practical, he is probably the most pragmatic person you will ever meet in your entire life.
Speaker 2:So we dated in quiet. We date people at work. We're quietly because it can get a little bit messy. And then, once we decided to get engaged and get married, we're like, okay, what's the plan? Because we can't stay here and work under the system if we really wanna grow and build wealth. Like, it's not possible, it's not sustainable, it's not good for my mental health, it's not good for my physical health. Like, what are we gonna do? So we decided we're gonna open up our own training space. And what's good with the way Marcus and I work is where I'm a list maker, marcus is a let's do it. Let's do it. Like he's just go for it, let's do it. So I'm just like no, he's like let's just he's not put analysis by analysis, he's like let's go, let's do it.
Speaker 2:He's just like let's go, let's do it. He has a very like it doesn't work, it doesn't work. Yeah, I was like what a concept. If it doesn't work, it's. So you're telling me you can try something. And I was like interesting, Cause, you know, when you meet, you know, as you know, Park, we were surrounded by a lot of go-getters and we're doing a thing and we're hustling, and Marcus is very much like we're gonna try this thing. If it works, great, if it doesn't work, that's okay too. So I adopted that mindset a lot. He's helped me with that a lot.
Speaker 1:You know what's funny? I, literally right before our call, I was listening to a podcast and it's a podcast called Don't Keep your Day Job with a. Her name is what's her name? Kathy something? Kathy Keller or, yeah, kathy Heller? And she had Malcolm Gladwell on that podcast and she was asking him you read the book Outliers with Malcolm? Yeah, you know how he taught it's all about like you know what makes people successful and like this whole like study, very Malcolm Gladwell style of research. And he basically kind of said the same thing on the podcast, which was that like life is so unpredictable, that like that should give us the freedom to that should give us freedom and not the opposite, which I guess maybe is a little bit more fear or restraint. But he's like life is so unpredictable, so let's just like, just do it.
Speaker 2:It's so unpredictable Cause on paper I would not have chose Marcus.
Speaker 1:Really I wouldn't have chose her.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he's younger than me. He got mad tattoos. You ride the motorcycle. He's like a bad boy. He does martial arts. He's like, he's like, he's like, he's like, he's like. I mean, I like to read books and I like cats and I like to get a boo in the house.
Speaker 2:But we have the same mindset in that we try to chill. So how much work do we have to do now so we can chill? Like, how much work do we have to do now so we can set up our family for the future? How much work do we have to do now so we grow tired and Turks and Caicos Like what are the steps we have to do to get to these places?
Speaker 1:Okay. So I know you and you're always like how can I let work less, make more? It's all about that right.
Speaker 2:But I used to feel guilty because I was like I'm already, I already love what I do and I want to do it less. But it's not that I want to do it less. I want to have more flexibility in just day to day life, Like I want to be, like Mom. I'm taking you to Greece or Israel because she wants to go where Jesus went. All right, I want to take you to Israel for a month. I want to be able to do things like that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So, with that whole idea of what you were saying, like you know, I want to like what could we do now to like make our lives better in the long run? But I also know this about you which is like you work hard, but you're like I'm also tired of working really hard, so which I'm sure there's also, like you know, when you know there's all like self-talk, motivational speakers who are just like grind it out. Now you're waking at 4am, you're going to bed at 12pm and all this stuff right, like how do you set that boundary? What does that boundary look like for you?
Speaker 2:Hello, my name is Tanya and I'm a retired grinder. See, I used to grind. I used to. There was one day I taught at three studios One was in Bay Ridge, one was in Bed-Stuy and one was in Crown Heights. All in one day, two classes at each studio. Like that's doing too much. That's doing too much. And I was like I'm not taking a cab, so I took the bus. That's a lot. Like I'm not doing that again.
Speaker 2:But you also realize, okay, how much money do I really need? Cause, right now I'm making less than I've ever made in my life, but I have more. I have more money, I have more time and I have more happiness. So how did I get to that place? You get to that place by realizing, okay, these are things that make me happy, these are things that put value in. Like, I'm not a tangible person. I like more services. I take out my nails, I like massages. That's what. Those are my things. So I don't have a need to like buy things, shoes that, like, those are not really my things. I like more services. So how can I get more services in my life? All right, I'm gonna get my nails done once a month, pre-pandemic. I'm gonna get a massage every three months, pre-pandemic.
Speaker 1:I don't do that now, but that was like kind of my plan before.
Speaker 2:Marcus likes martial arts. He loves martial arts so he got a job teaching at his martial arts studio, so now he can take classes and work there. It's the best of both worlds. So we both kind of have the same idea of like. We like services. We don't like tangible things, which makes life easier. If you don't have a lot of stuff, you're already clearing more space for more things, right.
Speaker 2:Right, yeah, and more of the things you want, more of the things you want, rather, not more things, but more of the things you want, rather. So in thinking of that, you think, okay, let me figure out what is a realistic budget for ourselves, cause ours are real little different, because we have to pay all the bills in the house and all the bills for our studio. So that makes it a little tricky, cause you have to the mortgage has to get paid, like it must get paid, and the studio rent must get paid, so those two go together. And then you know, con Ed could wait. You know, things like that, things like that they could wait if they need to, but these two things must get paid.
Speaker 2:And then eventually, once you started building our clientele, like people were just walking through the door asking to buy sessions, like everything we learned in the commercial gym we did not have to do at our new spot. Really, because I think when you it's funny because this whole conversation we just started talking like you didn't even introduce me yeah, we just don't write in. So we just don't write in. So we own a personal training studio in Crown Heights, brooklyn. It's called Power Moves Personal Training Studio and our studio is one-on-one personal training. So we had, like, once we opened our doors, it says on the door one-on-one personal training. So the first couple of weeks it was just like are you guys CrossFit? And we're like, nope, we are one-on-one personal training. Do you guys do yoga? Nope, we are one-on-one.
Speaker 2:And eventually people were coming in like, oh you guys are personal training, I'm one personal trainer. So when you're naming your business, just a little side note if you put what it is in your business, people come in more ready to do the work. This is a personal training studio. I want a personal trainer, I'm ready. So after the first two weeks of confusion, people were just walking in the door ready to train. That was like oh sorry. That was such a relief because I was like we're going to open the door and no one's going to come and then we're going to fail again. It was like a whole thing. But that was very helpful to get people just walking through the door. And then people walk through the door. They're buying packages and they're renewing their packages. So that's feedback You're liking what we're doing because you keep renewing. That's a good sign. They keep renewing, we're getting a steady income flow. And then we're able to pay the mortgage, pay the studio rent, pay ConEd on time.
Speaker 2:What is happening? Things are happening, things are happening. Coned, they give you a nice chunk of time before like, all right, we're about to cut this off. So if you're ever in trouble, coned, pay ConEd last. But after that you're like we're able to do these things and put money away for a rainy day for the studio and a rainy day for the house. So that's when you really feel like, ok, things are going to happen. Two emergency funds, girl, everything is double. When you have a brick and mortar, everything is double. But then you see, like you're like not stressing about it because you're seeing it just play out in front of you and there's like a chance to relax. And then COVID happened. So while we're OK because we built up that nest, it was still like we had a really good momentum, which I guess the whole world did, and they kind of just sat there. But before that we established a really nice flow.
Speaker 1:So what's kind of like in your day to day? To kind of like help keep your mindset and like what you said earlier, which is like self-regulate, because obviously I think you've put good systems in place in your life to mitigate some of the risk, like you said, having a brick and mortar, and just you do have expenses, like a mortgage, which can be stressful and I'm sure, and also running your own business is stressful as well. But what do you do in the day to day to make sure you're always like, or to help you self-regulate and maybe be positive or I don't even know if positivity is actually even the right word but just more self-regulate.
Speaker 2:What helps, which I wasn't able to do when I had a nine to five. I mean I was able to do it, but it didn't. It wasn't an idea that I had. Then, when I wake up in the morning and do a light tidy around the house, I feel so good as corny as that sounds like, when I wake up and boil some water for some tea, I just pick up around the house. I just feel like I'm really just setting my day, Like all right, this book doesn't go here and they put this back. You remember you told me to make my bed every day. Just little things like that make me feel good. And then I'm like all right, what's on the schedule for today? So right now, Marcus and I have off schedules. He goes into the studio Monday, Wednesday, Friday and I go on Tuesday, Thursday, Sunday.
Speaker 2:So when he's not here, I spend a lot of the time just tidying up in the morning and then I peruse, Let me see is there anything on fire? What do I have to know about? Is everything paid on time? That pay, con ed? What's happening? And that's what that happens. It's all about con ed. After that happens, I'll either go for a workout or figure out what needs to get done for the studio in terms of the admin side, Because there's a lot of busy work that has to happen on the admin side and I think just setting so to answer your question waking up and just tidying in the morning feels good. It actually feels better. I used to wake up and meditate, but I actually think a moving meditation, just like moving around your space and cleaning up, feels really good. I think I'm just realizing that as I'm talking to you. Wow, look at this, it's the power of this podcast.
Speaker 1:It's the power of this podcast.
Speaker 2:I just had an aha moment.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. That's Oprah's tagline. We need a different one.
Speaker 2:I just had a Parker Powell moment. I just like no, you heard it here first folks, but yeah, I think, walking through my space cleaning up, tidying up, feeding Xena the warrior cat, making sure this is your sanctuary, right, this is your house, this is your home. So when it feels like it's an order, you feel like you're in order.
Speaker 1:Yes, preach it. I'm all about that. Organizing house and order. It makes a difference and I think people don't realize how much of a difference it makes. I think people have different degrees of tolerance for that. But man, a tidy house and things just put away in a certain, and not only that, but you can put stuff out that you love and then just make sure.
Speaker 2:You just feel better, Make sure you just feel good, and when you don't have a lot of crap in your house, it's easier to tidy up, yeah it's easier to clean. Yeah, yeah, it's easier to clean. I wear the same thing every day a pommel shirt, woo-hoo Pommel shirts, pair of leggings or shorts. So laundry Everything in my life has been a lot easier once you cut away at things you don't need. Yeah, when you start cutting away at things you don't need, things just move more seamlessly.
Speaker 1:I found you know, another thing that I find really admirable about you is that you are very much a people person. You can talk to anyone, you can almost hold a conversation with almost anybody, but I think you really take this practice seriously, which is surrounding yourself with people that you want to surround yourself with, and I feel like you don't feel bad about like what's the phrase, but you just don't feel bad about saying you know what? I don't want to surround myself with that person. These are the type of people I want to surround myself with. Why is that so important for you?
Speaker 2:I number one. I protect my peace at all costs because there is so much happening in the world that is mentally and physically taxing on the body causes stress in the body. Stress in the body can lead to so many illnesses and ailments, and my health insurance is not that good, so I need to make sure I take care of myself right, and I do that by protecting my peace. Let me tell you a story. I was in the park one day and this man came up to me and he's the guy I've seen around the park because I've been going for a couple of weeks now. I saw him around the park and he said ma'am, I have to let you know something. And I was like, oh, here we go.
Speaker 2:I said I took my head full and I said yeah, he said Obama is the antichrist. And I waited a beat and I said what do I do? What do I do? And I said thank you, sir, for letting me know. And I put my headphones back in because I'm not doing this with you, sir, I'm not doing this back and forth. So he tapped me again and he said you need to be more upset and I said I need to do these pull-ups If Obama's the antichrist, that's beyond me, so he can come get me. He's going to come get me. Ok, I got to focus on these pull-ups right here and I had that moment of just like I'm not dealing with nonsense, I'm not entertaining nonsense, I don't. I don't file with people online, I don't file with people in person. I don't fight, I just don't do it. I saw him later again and he just kind of looked at me and I looked at him like we're not doing this and he looked me alone. Because people, when people want to argue with you, they want that. They need that feedback from you. People can't argue by themselves. They need that feedback from you. So now I'm going to stay here in the hot, blazing sun talking about Obama's the antichrist for what? It does nothing. It does nothing.
Speaker 2:One of my biggest pet peeves are when people fight in public. I'm like you don't know this person. You're never going to see this person again. You yelling at this person is not going to change this person. It's not. No one's going to yell at that person. You know what that lady really yelled at me on the bus I'm going to be better. They're not. They're not going to be better. They're not, so you're aggravating yourself. So now you leave aggravated, they leave aggravated, everybody's aggravated. Nothing gets solved, whereas I can one remove myself from the situation, or if I can't remove myself in a situation, end it. Thank you for the information, sir. I will take that into consideration.
Speaker 2:And then move along my way. Now, there are some times you have to let people know that you're not the one, and when that comes I handle it accordingly. But overall I'm not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so that is actually my question Because actually it's happened, this very conversant, not like this, but very similar to what you're talking about with the friend yesterday and talking about in terms of managing people. And for me I feel like I always want to be kind, I never want to be mean, but sometimes I get being stern or not likable or not being everyone's friend with being mean, like when do you find it appropriate for you to like? Because every time I can always say, ok, well, thank you for letting me know, and then kind of walking away.
Speaker 1:Sometimes you need to engage to a certain degree. How do you handle those situations?
Speaker 2:I'm trying to give an example. I think it depends on who that person is in your life and how important they are in your life. If there's somebody you value and you really want them to understand, then you take the time to speak to that person and help them to understand. But if you're not in my top three tiers, I'm not doing it. I'm just not doing it and you could not like me because Parker likes me, so I don't need you to like me. Marcus likes me, my mom likes me, zena likes me. I have lots of friends who like me.
Speaker 1:By the way, zena is her cat, zena is my cat.
Speaker 2:She likes me so much. The older you get, the smaller your circle gets, and it's not out of malice, it's just like you only have so much bandwidth when you're 12, you don't have a job. You have all the friends, you go to all the parties, but as you get older, I have a very specific schedule. I've been free Wednesday at 2. A lot of people aren't free Wednesday at 2. So I'm not going to be able to hang out people Saturday at 7 because I have to work Sunday at 8. So there's lots of barriers, but true friendship will overcome that.
Speaker 2:True friendship is understanding that I can't talk to you for three hours like I did every weekend. But I can call you on Sunday. We can go get coffee In that time. If we have a disagreement about a topic, you're my friend. I'm going to talk to you about it. Human is a human. I'm not going to yell at you, I'm not going to berate you, because that solves nothing. It really solves nothing. So peace, peace above all else. But people who get it, people who need to get it, can get it as well. Don't let the peace fool you. Oh, ok, so get it.
Speaker 1:If you upset me, it's not passive.
Speaker 2:It's not passive. Yeah, peace is active. I'm actively peaceful, but if you disrespect me in a way that I cannot avoid, I will let you know and then I'll cut you off, because I don't let people try me more than once.
Speaker 1:Is there a story where that happened recently?
Speaker 2:Not recently, but.
Speaker 1:I wish this was video. I want people to see your expressions and your mannerism, because this is fly smile, not recently. Fly smile into fly smile.
Speaker 2:Not recently, but I will say this when I was younger, I never spoke up for myself. I let a lot of things slide. And then, once I lost my job, it was in this weird limbo phase. I was real spicy, like you can't tell me nothing because you pay my bills. No one pays my bills because I have a job, so I'm reckless out here, ok.
Speaker 1:Woo Remember when you came to LA. That's not even going to talk, that's not even getting there.
Speaker 2:That's for Parker Pott after dark. Yeah, not ready for law fiction.
Speaker 1:That was so fun. That was a great trip.
Speaker 2:But right, that's what happens. The same thing with your emotions If you don't let it out, it's going to spill over. So when I was younger, I held so much in and I let opportunities pass me by, I let people say things about me that I shouldn't let them say, and so many things happen. So when I lost my job and I had this kind of like reckless, like one year of just like I do what I want, I say what I want, but y'all don't run me. Blah, blah, blah, and then at the wall you're like all right, that's not the way to do it.
Speaker 2:Peace, peace is the way to do it, but have that reckless in the back in case you need it, but peace is the way to do it. So I'll tell you a story offline. But you treat people, you teach people how to treat you, so you cannot let things slide. You have to address things right away, which is uncomfortable and it's awkward and it sucks. But I think if you approach it quickly, as soon as you can, the healing happens faster, as opposed to letting it ruminate. And every time you see her, every time the text comes in, you're like, oh gosh, she's texting me again.
Speaker 2:She doesn't even know what she said to me and you're like that's fit Like that's not the situation right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and also watching like Marcus and his friends interact. They're like so different because they just don't care Like they, just they're very much like what you did was wrong, you fucked up, you right, and then they move on and it's like this is not a big production, you know. So I'm trying to take some of that thing. I don't know if it's like a male female thing, I don't know what it is or how we're conditioned, how we're taught growing up to always be like nice and pleasant and polite, but yeah, a lot of.
Speaker 1:I know you come from immigrant family. Does Marcus come from an immigrant family?
Speaker 2:Marcus. If you ask Marcus what he is, he says the black.
Speaker 1:But there's a very specific like cause. You know you're Haitian and I felt like man learning more about Haitians and Cosm, like Haitians and Asians are just the same, like the way their parents are. But I the reason why I bring that up is because for me, growing up, you know, coming from my parents who immigrated to this country as well, you know there is this kind of pressure and what they try to try to instill in you is like to not cause trouble, like you know. Yeah, you just can't when you're in that position, you don't have you don't have that privilege to just kind of act in all crazy, you know.
Speaker 2:Don't cause trouble, don't bring shame to the family, don't get pregnant, don't get arrested. No one told me what I could do. Okay, I was gonna know what I could do. Everyone was just telling me what I can't do, yeah.
Speaker 1:But I mean do you? Think that plays into it. If I mean for the whole, like trying to be nice, like hold things in, like, do you feel like some of that falls to that?
Speaker 2:I think that plays into it, and being a people pleaser played into it. Like I like friends, I like people, I like to be liked, that's nice. Do you remember when Facebook had the honesty box?
Speaker 1:I did not have Facebook, nor do I have Facebook.
Speaker 2:so I appreciate you. Facebook back in the day used to have an honesty box. This is the craziest thing. It was a box where you could anonymously send messages to people.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:So when it was first released, you get cute messages like I see you, but you look cute today, like, oh, like, good for you guys. And then I once got a message. I got a me. I got a message that said bring it back. It said you're always so nice, but I know that's not who you are. And I was like whoo, someone doesn't like I, was like someone doesn't like me. Oh my gosh. And I was like seeing all these people going through my list, like who could it be? Who could it be? And then I was like, if they can't tell me who they are, there is nothing I can do with this information. And I just I still want to know, though I still want to know, still want to know, cause it just seems so like I don't know yeah.
Speaker 2:That was, that was how Facebook?
Speaker 1:That is not. Oh, that person didn't even know.
Speaker 2:you If I ever meet Mark Zuckerberg, I'm gonna ask him. If I ever meet Mark Zuckerberg, I'm gonna listen. I need you to bring back honesty box of 2005. I figure out who said that. Shit, I'm not gonna. But then you have to think of the psyche of that person. What are they trying to gain from telling me that anonymously? Like, what do they want me to do with that information? 100%.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, it takes. It takes a lot of self-awareness and self-regulation. It's like what you said, I think, in like asking yourself those, these questions, and that's kind of like even with the first episode I recorded with about friendship, and it was a lot of like self-talking of is something, maybe something's wrong with this person? Is it me? Is it that you have to do a lot of that kind of like self-analysis?
Speaker 2:And it has to. You have to do it all the time. Yeah, I can do it really quickly, but when you're starting out it's like it takes up so much of your brain space.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:And now I'm just like I'm chipping, am I chipping? I'm chipping, I'm just gonna go about your day, but before it was like Totally Before, it was like so much of just being in your head you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:You know what I actually it's something you said to me that like, oh, I just like still remember to this day and like it actually just I use it as a piece of encouragement, cause I started to realize this pattern about myself where something will trigger me emotionally and or something I'll get upset about something, and I know for me, like it takes me a while for that emotion, for it to kind of like de-escalate. So you once told me, like you know what, sometimes you're feeling funky, you're just going to bed. I'm like you know what that kind of gave me so much permission. And then the next day I wake up and like like my sister will check on me. I'm like, how are you? I'm like you know what?
Speaker 2:That's fine you know that was funny. To tell you exactly what you said. My mom always used to tell me go rest yourself. Like, just go rest. If you lay down like let's say you're having a rough day, you're having a rough day, I promise you, if you go to your house and you draw the curtains, put the fan on and lay down and take a nap, when you wake up you'll feel so much better because you wake up in the bed with a roof over your head.
Speaker 1:You can figure out the rest.
Speaker 2:You can figure out the rest. If you can't nap in your house, go find a friend, nap in their house. I'm telling you, naps will change the world and we need to bring the CS. I'm sad to hear that place like Spain are like doing away with CS. I don't know how true that is, but I heard that they're starting to do away with that and they're leaning more towards the grind and I'm like no, no, no. Naps are worth that, You're telling me, if you get into a nice warm bed and have a nice 77 minute nap and then you wake up, refresh and then you take a shower. The shower, yes, Because the shower means I'm starting to get. I'm starting to get.
Speaker 2:I'm starting to wash, I'm telling you yes, the shower too.
Speaker 1:Sometimes I'm just like you know what? I'm gonna just hop in the shower right now and it does wonder.
Speaker 2:I've been doing that a lot during this. Whatever we're in three showers a day Not even one real shower and two just a nice little rinse. Yes, I just need to. I just need to. I just need to let the water fall on you. This is a waterfall. I just need to wash away my anxiety.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know what it really works and it sounds so silly, but for some reason it really does work. And I don't know what it is for sure. With the sleeping and the napping thing, your brain's doing stuff where I'm not equipped to unpack what's actually happening physiologically. But it's different and you can approach things differently. And maybe when you're stressed and your initial emotions are going like, all those levels in your body are high. So when you're trying to respond at that level or trying to even think rationally at that level, it's so difficult. But when everything's kind of like calm down, you're at your homeostasis level, then you're just like, okay, oh, I don't know, this feels better. Motion helps too. I think it's part of the shower thing. It's like, okay, break a motion.
Speaker 2:Yes, you can shower, do your hair, I don't know, body wash, whatever, but it just yes, yes, you know how, when you're watching a movie and the main character is stressed, they splash a little water on their face.
Speaker 1:That's what you do with your whole body.
Speaker 2:Splash a little water on your body. Just splash a little water. And if they're gonna try to smack you, just smack me. Yes, just like. Get me out of exactly what you said. Just get me out of this. Like my levels are all over the place. I cannot be rational right now. Mm-hmm, yeah, if you can't take a shower where you're at, can you go for a walk? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, yeah, a walk. Okay, listen to some music. Can you do something to get you back into like a nice regulated level?
Speaker 1:I used to, there was this one job I used to go on walks all the time. That's how you knew something was up, Like I could not stop walking.
Speaker 2:I gotta walk.
Speaker 1:Literally like every hour, every few hours, I gotta go on a walk.
Speaker 2:I'm done, I'm done walking, yeah, and then you felt better. You felt better, right you?
Speaker 1:I don't know. I think I felt better, but I think I just it wasn't even like it wasn't better, it was just helpful.
Speaker 2:It's helpful. But then here's the trick If you're going on a walk to clear your head from work and then you come back to work and the problem is still there, it's a never ending cycle. So you either need to walk away from that job or walk back into the job and be like all right, this, this and this is not working for me, right?
Speaker 1:which is what you said again in the making the decision. I'm gonna make this job working for my not having this job, excuse me, yeah, yeah. So what about? Cause? I feel like you're, when we have our conversations one on one, like you're very blunt about not like anybody in particular, but you're always just like I don't have time to be surrounded by people. Like you are on a path, you have your goals, you want financial freedom, you want flexibility, like that's kind of what you're, that's what you're aiming towards, and when there are people who are not in that same, it doesn't necessarily mean same goals, but I think there's this focus that you're trying to surround yourself. You're trying to surround yourself with people who have a focus in their life. How, how have you, I guess, like, how have you like cut off, like distance yourself from certain friends and how, like, how have you managed, managed those like relationships?
Speaker 2:I think sometimes it's hard because you feel I don't know, the word is bad but you feel like you're not present. Okay, so there's like there's different friend groups, right. There's like your elementary school friends, your high school friends, your college friends, your cheer friends, your work friends from this job, your work friends from this job, your training friends, your fitness friends, your pull friends. There's so many different groups and categories, right. And then eventually, in each of those groups there's one person who's like thinking of things the way you are. And then you there's like this thing that happens, where you guys kind of come together If it's like, hey, you want to go out to your not can go on trying to save money, try to save money. Oh, me too. All right, that pull that. Put that person in my, in my money group and you try to do this. Oh, you're investing too. Put you in my mind.
Speaker 2:And then you find all these people who do the same thing as you. It doesn't mean you don't hang out with those people anymore. It just means like if I'm trying to do this thing, I need to be around it all the time. I need those vibes, I need that energy to keep me going, because it is. It isn't a journey that's often talked about, like people talking about it now, but like when me and you were starting, we were like back and forth, like Is this possible? Like can we do this thing?
Speaker 2:Because it's it's different from what we're taught, but like I'm really trying to chill Parker, so yeah you know what?
Speaker 1:You were way ahead of the eyes. Yeah, no, you were like way ahead of this game than I was. And now my whole thing, too, is just like how do I get financial independence, you know, like where? I don't just what you said, like just the freedom to, to to, you know, have certain opportunities or to, whether it's like I want to send my parents somewhere or I want to go on vacation, or whatever it is, but just having these more options available to you, I'm just like that's what I want. I'm, I just don't want to be trapped in wherever.
Speaker 2:And as as black people think of, I don't want to keep talking about how we got to where we are. Like I feel I know how we got to where we are. If you're just figuring about racism, congratulations, welcome to the club. I know how we got to where we are. So what are the steps we can do to solidify our family? Like this might be a little, like you know, not the most positive thing, but, like I, make sure we have bail money and lawyer money If anything ever happens to Marcus or I and we need help in that. In that scenario, we have bail money, we have lawyer money and we have lawyer friends, because in today's day and age, black people need to have that Right Right.
Speaker 2:So I don't ever want a situation to happen where Marcus gets pulled over and the situation escalates and I can't get him out, right.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't want that. I don't want that scenario. So my piece of mind comes with knowing I have enough money for the good things, for the vacation, for the trips. I also have enough money for bail. I also have enough money to get a lawyer. I also have money to pay damages or whatever it is we have to do Like. So it's not just, it's not just like put on the beach and like buy whatever we want. It's also like making sure money gives you access to things. Maybe I have access to a good lawyer not the one the judge appoints you, you know access to make sure he's not sleeping there overnight. Because he sleeps there overnight, he gets to a fight with someone else, and now he's been there for six more months. Like I can't, I can't have that.
Speaker 1:Nope.
Speaker 2:Can't have that. So how much money do you have. I'll tell you off live, parker. I'll tell you off live, just know.
Speaker 1:You know what I never knew you had bail money. That's crazy, like you know, that's just something. Yeah, um, I mean it's not crazy, but I'm just saying it's just never something I ever think about meeting and I never knew actually that you you actually had that type of fun available for us saved up for yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, and like a lawyer on a retainer, like someone to call if it goes left right. You need that if you are a person, if you're a black or a person of color or someone who is, you know, not whites, you need to have these things, point blank period.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Don't just think of it as your six month cushion emergency fund for your for con ed.
Speaker 1:You need money in case it goes left, right, and I think what you're saying, the undertone of that, is just kind of saying how do I accept the way things are now and to be where I am, to accept it now to get to where I want to get to? And in some ways I mean I can understand, because you can get upset about the fact that I have to set aside bail money, because I'm sure bail money could also be set aside to a vacation fund or whatever fun or whatever. But you're like I need this for bail money, like, um, you don't, like I guess, like how would you respond to someone who's just upset about that, like, instead of, like you know, just set aside bail money, like stopping upset about having to do that?
Speaker 2:I mean, if you're upset, you can contribute to the bail fund. Like you're upsetting, you're being upset Doesn't help, give me money. Like, if you're that upset, give me money, but you being upset doesn't mean anything because you're not. I've seen markets get arrested. You haven't seen that. Yeah, that's what, that's what's all right.
Speaker 2:I need to make sure the next time this happens because you think like you're going to say all the right things and I know my rights, no, you don't when the situation is in front of you happening like you just kind of lose all like, all sense of like what to do. So now I know, I know who to call. I have, I have ready access to the funds If that ever happens again. I hope it does it, hope I never use it. I hope I could use that to go on vacation. But if I need it, I have it. Yeah and I. But it's a way sorry, it's a way to hold those two thoughts in my head Like I'm not just like life is great, it's fine, no, like this real shit happens. I'm here for the real shit and I'm here for the dreams. I have both.
Speaker 1:Right, well, you can have that freedom because you are prepared. Yeah, yeah, that's where that piece comes, comes from, and I, and I think, like I just feel, like I want to give people context for Marcus, because he's not out causing trouble. Like you, and Marcus are both just like normal people very well educated, wealthy, has your own business. Like you, just have everything order. But unfortunately, there's instances where I mean you told me this one time and I was shocked by this Like he just gets pulled over by the cops by driving, his driving his car.
Speaker 2:I'm just kind of like just on the motorcycle. Well, I'm just like, or yeah, and I'm just like how, yeah, just, and I knew it happened, and he come home with like I want to give him with like six tickets in one in one stop. So I know this happened, but I didn't. We didn't like have money saved until he actually got arrested for some bullshit and I was like, okay, this is like, this is out of control. Marcus is six three. He's so handsome and he's very black. So also, marcus has swag. He's so cool the way he just like who is this guy?
Speaker 1:Yeah?
Speaker 2:Yes, yeah. So just I think you have to accept it. I accept that it may change one day I don't know if in my lifetime, but I hope it'll change. But if not, I have this amount set aside Now. I don't even know how much bail money is. It all comes out later.
Speaker 1:I got $20 on the side of my bail money.
Speaker 2:I figure a couple thousand, that's good in case this thing happens. You know like, yeah, I figure that's real good right.
Speaker 1:Right, that's hilarious. Well, go ahead.
Speaker 2:Now I was going to say even if, like you're saying, we're just regular people, you can say that because you know us, but to him he's threatening on the street yes, yeah, yeah. So it's like there is no chance to get to know us as people.
Speaker 1:Right, and I think I mean, and I think the reason why I wanted to make that point was because when you first share that with me about how, like you know, Marcus would just get pulled over by the cops, Because, I mean, you know some things, you see, whatever, I guess the like, what broke my heart about that was what you said, which was like no matter, no matter what level you're at or where you are, like he's just going to get pulled over because he's black, you know, and and it's not like, and that's just like, I don't know, like for me, I just thought maybe, you know, maybe into a degree, naively, where I'm just like, well, I know you guys, and like there would be no reason because you're just, you're good people, you know, and obviously the world is unfair, but that kind of concept just doesn't. It doesn't come naturally for me to think about that because it's not an experience in my own life.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:And how you're like that's something you can't run away from, because you can't run away from your skin color. So it's gonna. It's gonna, if he has it now and he's doing like he's well off now, like that's gonna want to come with him when he's like even more well off later you know, yeah, and we live in a black neighborhood, so it's not like he's getting pulled over in like the Hamptons. Right, we're getting pulled over in flatbush.
Speaker 2:Like it's not. People think like it's not. You have to laugh because it's like this doesn't make any. All I can do is you know, yeah, marcus always says. He always says, like, get home from wherever you are, get home, and whatever happens, we could deal with it once you're home, but if you're not home, we can't deal with it. So the goal is always to get home. I love this lockdown because Marcus is home. I know where he is. Yeah, you know where I am. Everyone's home. Yeah, I wish, I wish we could lock down under better circumstances where people just have time with themselves and with their family and with their in their, in their place of peace. But that's one thing that I was like everyone's. Just like I want to haircut, I want to go outside.
Speaker 2:I want to do this, and I'm just like we're saving gas money.
Speaker 1:We're in the house, yeah, yeah, like totally yeah Well, man, we went to a whole thing about, we went into a whole thing, whole thing about race. We didn't even plan on getting into that. That's what happens and that's okay. Um, well, what you know, I think I think it might be funny for people like, because I think probably people know, because you really mentioned we went to college together and your voice this sounds ridiculous, but your voice sounds younger than probably the other mentors I've had on, like on the evidence, girl, I hope it's not offensive. Now I'm just like, oh no, did I find my other guess? Well, but the reason I bring that up is because you know the whole intention also sorry, your voice is familiar to me, so to me you still sound like college.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, exactly, and you're always going to sound like college to me, right, right.
Speaker 1:So I mean I'm sure you can tell by the way we speak or whatever it is that like we just sound younger. I don't know, I could be wrong, maybe I'll just I might cut this all out.
Speaker 2:But you know what that's your prerogative.
Speaker 1:But I think what I wanted to kind of say is that like, um, maybe some people will be surprised that, like in this series that's called mentors, you know, which is really asking people who are generally older, because they have life experience and they've kind of seen how all the pieces fall over time, it's like you know, it's like what we said earlier about even our own emotions.
Speaker 1:We're like, okay, I've seen this happen five, 20, 100,000 times. Now I kind of I'm kind of getting a grasp of how even my emotions regulate, and I think there's a similar type of value that older folks can bring, because they can kind of they've seen the long view, they've seen how the chip fall at times and some, maybe, patterns and rhythms in life, the long-winded explanation of why. I think I also wanted to ask you to be on as a mentor, because I forgot what I was listening to the other day. But I was listening to something and they're just saying a mentor, someone who, oh, I was reading a book about rental property investments. That's my whole new thing now. Like, how do I?
Speaker 1:get into rental investments, that's a great way to build Girl we could talk because that's yeah, we're yeah.
Speaker 1:Yes, and he was saying, like how he's like he got to build your team and he was going into like bookkeeping your real estate agent and he said you're a mentor. And he's like, yeah, my mentor was just my friend who I can go to and like he helps, like, keep me on track, go to. And it was someone the same age as him and you literally me Lee came to my mind and that's right. When I texted you I was like you know what? It's totally appropriate for Tanya to be on the podcast, because while you're, you know we're friends and all that stuff, but you definitely are my, like, one of my go-to people. I'm just like, if I'm dealing with something in my everyday life or whatever, I'm going to go to you and you'll be able to really offer some really great wisdom and advice on things. So, with that said, well, thanks.
Speaker 2:Parker, you're welcome.
Speaker 1:Oh no, we'll cut that out. So I do want to ask you though, like as we're wrapping up, what I mean and because you're ready. You're still very young, but maybe but I think you know this isn't going to learn about interviewing too. I realize how in my head I am and it's not as like natural as I think all this preface and I like forgot what I was asking. Let me just ask a question, just ask the question what would you tell your younger self?
Speaker 2:Okay, I would tell my younger self number one that all this shit you're stressing is not even going to matter in 10 to 15 years. Right, that's number one. I have told myself so many things that's number one All the things you're stressing is not going to matter down the line. Number two speak your mind, but be respectful. Like it took me a long time to learn that muscle and I wish I would have been pushed a little more when I was younger to like speak up more about topics that are like uncomfortable or things that I clearly disagree with other people about, but I didn't want to say anything. I wish I would have been pushed in that realm a little more. And three would be like say yes faster.
Speaker 2:I do a lot of when I was younger, a lot of hemming and hawing and like tiptoeing around like should I, shouldn't I, should I? And I realizing every experience you have you're going to grow from, whether it's good or bad. So, like I don't have this, I mean, of course I don't want to fail, right, but I don't really have the fear of failing anymore because I know that when I tried, I really gave it my all, I really tried my best. And people fail. The time it happens, it doesn't, it's going to be fine, kind of a good wait. Like it's going to be fine If I can't pay that bill right away because this project failed. Like it's going to be okay and, in the grand scheme of life, like life is fun. There's going to be sad moments and going to be hard moments, but overall life is really fun If you make that a priority to have fun.
Speaker 2:So I want to just make sure that we're not like enduring, you know, we're not like just getting by, like I want to make sure we're having a good time for a long time Okay, good time for a long time and just encouraging people with that same mindset to like stay on course, remember, like have fun, it's going to be okay, try things. That's it. I figured it out. Have fun, it's going to be okay, I think.
Speaker 1:I feel like that's a great place to end the podcast, and I just wish again that this was on video, because all of a sudden, the sun is setting right now. It's like a, just a ring around.
Speaker 2:It's perfect, it's like you know, it's fun around you. This is the first time I've set up a zoom here. Yeah, Let me. Let me try something new. Look at me. One of my three things Try something new. So I have it set up on the windowsill and the sun is setting. I'm like bathing in this.
Speaker 1:You like no, but it's like literally just hitting you so like you're growing, and then like the it just like outlines you perfectly around you. Well, go ahead, take a screenshot. No, and you're like saying these like very wise words and just like glowing it's, it's just hilarious, yeah, it's great.